I got chris browned last night
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
