After last night, I could never be a politician.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
