Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
