Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize