I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
