Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
