Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You're like the curious george of whores
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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