I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
