i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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