Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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