I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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