Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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