dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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