i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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