What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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