If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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