we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
