Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Let's get the cat blown out
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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