oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
