I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize