how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
