You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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