I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
