Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
