I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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