She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
