i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
