We're facebook friends in real life
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
