PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
