cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
