Nicole vs. Life
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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