do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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