Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
