Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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