And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
