Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
