i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
