oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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