No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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