Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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