My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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