Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
