I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
