My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Pants are for mortals
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