The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
