when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
