Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
