Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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