Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
