I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
