Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
