Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We are two peas in an std pod
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
