this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
