Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
