who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
