During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
