end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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