This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
