So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
