i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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