My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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