I'm laying in your front yard are you home
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She needs sedatives and a leash
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
