i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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