So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
