just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
