So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I am one with the molecules
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
we're so committed to being not committed
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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